Wake Up And Live

Seeing Stan

Posted in Uncategorized by Sarah Skeen on May 4, 2009

We took a drive down to Long Island yesterday to see Stan. It’s very hard for me to see him like this but I try to hold it together for Seths sake. He now lies in bed all day long hooked up to an oxygen machine. He doesn’t really watch tv or read anymore. He has no appetite. All he wants to do is sleep. Bringing Lily there is good for him. She is a little ray of light that brightens up the room for him. I spent a lot of time in bed next to him talking with him and holding his hand. We talked about how he know that it’s hard for his family to let go but when the time comes he needs them to let go. He talked about Lily and he asked me if I thought she would remember him. We talked about eating steak which was our favorite thing to do together. He kept saying how warm he was. He liked holding my hands because my hands are always cold and they cool him down. We had to deal with his first hospice visit today. It was hard for everyone. When the hospice nurse started talking about giving him morphine and ativan Seth got upset as did I. He doesn’t want to be doped up. He wants to be aware. He is not in pain because he is already on a fentanyl patch. His breathing is labored but he breathes better with oxygen. He wants to be conscious. We want him to be conscious and for now he can be. He wants to go out fighting. I don’t like seeing him like this. It’s hard. Please send some love his way.

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5 Responses

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  1. Tabitha said, on May 4, 2009 at 9:29 pm

    Oh Sarah. My heart is breaking for you and your family. It’s so very hard to know that you may lose a loved one. I remember when my grandfather passed. He knew it was coming. I made a trip to see him a week prior, when I left he grabbed hold and gave me a big hug with tears in his eyes…..this man never showed emotion like that unless you messed with his bride. I knew as I driving away it would be the last time I would ever see him. It’s just difficult to deal with. I will keep you and yours in my heart and pray for a miracle.

  2. melissa said, on May 4, 2009 at 9:42 pm

    Huge huge hugs. I’m so sorry. My heart is breaking for you as well. I wish I could find the right words, just know that you are all in my thoughts.

  3. Marjorie Cunningham said, on May 5, 2009 at 8:39 am

    Such a difficult time for you and your family. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

  4. Kimberlyrose said, on May 5, 2009 at 3:00 pm

    I’m so so sorry… My thoughts and wishes are with you and your family.

  5. Lisa said, on May 6, 2009 at 10:16 pm

    Sarah, you may not know but you are giving Stan such an important gift. He is able to talk to you about what is really happening for him…his thoughts…his wishes…his needs. I’m sure it is so very hard for you but you are sharing with him something that is invaluable to many people with a terminal illness…the ability to talk about what’s important to him. Listen to him..he will tell you what he needs…

    Sending love to all of you..

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